Star Date #27

In a place with infinite universes, how many different versions of Amsterdam are there?

Infinite?!

If you give an infinite amount of monkeys a typewriter each and then give them an infinite amount of time to ram on the keys as much as they like, there’s a pretty good chance one of them will produce the entire works of Shakespeare front to back, they say. Not only that but given infinite amounts of time won’t ALL of the monkeys at some point produce the entire works of Shakespeare front to back?

Also, think of all the versions they’ll produce that will just be one letter off, like a stray ‘u’ in the middle of it somewhere. Probably with a stray ‘u’ (and every other letter for that matter) in every conceivable place in the entire works of Shakespeare front to back. And two strays, and three, and so on. They’ll probably produce the entire works of Shakespeare back to front as well, like, completely in reverse. Plus that reverse version with every letter on the keyboard in between in every conceivable place as well, and two and three etc.

I’d especially want to read the versions where somehow the realms of Shakespeare and Star Wars cross in fantastic ways, ending in Luke and Leia killing themselves over a love that can never be and of course the legendary moment where Darth Claudius utters the immortal words ‘Luke, I killed your father.’

And that’s just Shakespeare and Star Wars, I haven’t even gotten round to thinking about all the Harry Potter - Wet Hot American Summer mashups or how lovely it would be to mix the sober, no frills style of Hemingway with something glittery and magical like My Little Pony. Ooh! Or Powerpuff Girls!!! *gush

Okay, I definitely was getting hungry and delirious now, must be all of the purply fumes. Time to zap on to a better place aaannddd, as luck would have it.

I landed on a planet made completely out of roast chickennnn!!!

Why? Because it’s my book goddammit and I was hungry and I like me and roast chicken is one of my all time fave comfort foods (sorry vegans), and I needed some comfort right about now, having survived a very adventurous first date with a really cute girl that was now in the hands of a cooler me copy in a world I might never get back to, lost in a web of infinite universes with nothing but my wits and a space-time travelling bowling ball about me that might or might not run out of batteries before I could find a planet that had some nice craft beer that would go well with these delicious juicy chicken bits with crispy skin I was ripping out of this planet’s surface and stuffing into my mouth like a crazy eyed toddler trying to consume a sandbox.