Star Date #31

Marten, can you hear me?

Woah! Who’s there?! Chief?

Yes, it’s me.

Wow, you’re all echo-y and stuff, like a voice of God type thing..

Let’s not get into that whole argument again.

What do you mean?

Oh yeah, right, never mind, just something I said to your girlfriend earlier.

She’s not my girlfriend, I wish, this is still our first date Chief.

Oh yeah, right. How do you think it’s going?

I’d said pretty good so far, she seems to like me.

She does, she told me so herself.

Really? When?

Just now.

Cool!

Although she also kinda seems to like the other you.

Fuuucckkk. See? I knew it, damn. Figures though, he’s so much cooler than me.

You think so?

You don’t?

No, I think he’s kinda pathetic.

That’s really nice of you to say Chief, but surely you, with all your wisdom and stuff can see that for our tiny minds who relish in clichés he’s the epitome of cool.

I think that’s even more pathetic.

It probably is, but I still have to deal with that.

You see, that’s a very intelligent and sensible thing to say dear friend, I knew you had it in you. I’m very proud of you.

Thanks, I needed that.

I knew you did.

Of course you did. Anyway.

What?

Can you get me out of here? I’ve been stress eating roast chicken for twenty straight minutes and I’m either about to vomit or explode, maybe both.

Haha oh yeah of course. Don’t worry happens to everyone who visits Roast Chicken planet for the first time. You probably don’t want to stop by Hefeweizen planet on the way over then?

You see! I knew there had to be a nice beer based planet to go with all this.

Of course there is, in a world with infinite universes basically anything you can think of exists.

Liquorice based people you can take a bite out of without them feeling pain or dying?

You betcha.

But wait, when we first met you said you’d looked and there was no life at all, anywhere.

That’s in our universe, I can also see in all the others, that’s how I found you.

Good point, anyway.

Yes?

Tell me how to get back.

Okay what you do is..

The same kind of fadey trick from one page ago happens again because I’m also too lazy to type up a whole ‘how do you hop back to the original location’ manual. And also I’m not the Tolkien kind of nerd/legend that spends a lifetime developing a bunch of imaginary languages. Or dreams up how precisely a Hopper Bowlatron Magibang 3000 would work. If this autobiographical fan fiction ever sparks fan fiction of its own let the fans figure it out. That’ll be one hell of a campfire discussion. ‘You think think there’s like, buttons inside the finger holes?’ ‘Of course! How else would it work?!’ ‘And you can adjust the universe you’re jumping to by turning the part with the finger holes independently from the rest of the ball?’ ‘Of course not that would be silly! You’re going to choose from an infinite amount of universes by turning a knob?!’ ‘Well how else are you going to do it? Telepathy?’ ‘Maybe.’ ‘Oh come on!!’ ‘You think it glows blue or purple?’ ‘Turquoise, obviously.’